look at him just sitting there. flipping through the god-blessed channels. he doesn't even notice that i'm in here just trying to spend some time with him.

he just doesn't care. i hate that music. i am sitting here trying to tolerate it, but honestly, how many times is he going to watch that video of that guy shouting - how does that pass for music?

just sitting there. when is he going to get up and put his dish away? that rice is just crusting onto the plate. and who's going to have to clean it off? me. i'm going to have to clean off that residue of indian takeaway that he never included me on. wow. is that how it is inside of ten years. going from sharing the indian takeout to being annoyed that he ordered one without me but expects me to clean it up.

and this mess. why does he think it's up to me to clean it up?! i'm out all day working, come home, fix dinner, sort the kids out, and when i get a chance to take a breath, i get "this room is kind of messy." oh for the love of god then why don't you pick up some of the friggin' mess! i was away at work all day where they don't actually pay me to plan his meals or think about all the stuff of his that i'm going to have to pick up.

...

"i'm just going to take jane to the cinema. we'll be back later."

"okay." wow. he just really doesn't care. how could he just leave me here? doesn't he care about me at all? it's not my fault jimmy is a handful right now. i'm sure he'd sit still for a movie. i know he would. god knows i wouldn't mind going to the darned cinema once in a while. i'd take a family walk around the block for that matter. i did not get married so i could do stuff on my own!

...

"come here, son." i am going to squeeze you and squeeze you until you know beyond the shadow of all doubt that i love you. you won't ever have to wonder if your mother loves you. so help me god if either of you ever think you're unloved may god strike me dead. well, when you're old enough to take care of yourself. about 30 should do it.

oh wow. you look so much like your daddy. are you going to expect some woman some day to do your bidding? not if i can help it! you are so getting trained! "m2! pick up those toys! right now!" yes, you will not leave this house without knowing how to do laundry, wash dishes and cook the occasional meal WITH spices AND vegetables. "now pick up that cup you threw on the floor!" and then come here for another hug. how could i not love that face?

...

"here, mommy, these are from daddy." oh wow! oh those are gorgeous flowers! oh thank you! thank! you thank you!"

okay. you get one more chance.