I've been dreaming lately of packing up my kids and embarking on a journey overseas. (dreaming being the operative word. Even to get to Bali - a mere five hours away - would cost us a hideously prohibitive 5 or 6 thousand dollars)

I'd like to go to somewhere really interesting, somewhere old and full of troubled history. Somewhere crammed chock-a-block with beautiful art and museums and amazing architecture that takes your breath away. A place that, as soon as we land, hits us with that unmistakable feeling of being somewhere completely foreign; a language that sounds wonderfully weird, strange smells, impossible-looking food, a fascinatingly different way of living; the exhilarating culture-shock of encountering the foreign combined with the immense sense of possibility for discovery and adventure - ahhh. There is nothing quite like that first plane trip to a country you've never visited - the nervous anticipation of having very little idea of what waits ahead.

Prague, I was thinking, or Rome. Zagreb, capital of Croatia looks and sounds interesting. (HRVATSKA - that's what the locals call Croatia - how exciting to go to a country where you'd need hours of lessons before you could even hope to pronounce its name correctly!)

But then, reality hits. Even if we did have some unexpected windfall and could actually afford to go overseas, just how enjoyable would it be?? Imagine the plane trip - the nightmarish 24 hours it takes to get to Europe from Australia, with four unhappy, restless, complaining, possibly frightened, kids. Our only hope of getting through a long haul flight intact and still sane at the other end would be to drug them. Heavily. And I'm not sure what kind of detrimental effect that could have on the remainder of the trip.

Not to mention the inevitable struggle to find something the kids will eat and the resulting stomach bugs. The difficulty in managing to all stay together as we traverse unfamiliar cities - and the terrifying possibility of losing someone.

And then I picture me and Hil dragging the boys around a museum, or an art gallery....

"Shhh, boys, quiet please. Hey boys, look! Look at that picture. Isn't it beautiful?? Do you realise it was painted one thousand years ago by a young man not much older than......BOYS? Where the hell....? Oh my god. Shit. Jimmy, NO! You can't scribble on..... Oh my....Look what Jimmy has done to that priceless...
What?! It wasn't my fault. How dare you blame.... I thought you were watching. Anyway, you're the one who wanted another ba..... Look. Forget that. Lets just go. NOW. Quickly boys. Lets get out of here as quickly and as quietly as possible...No. We can't go down into the dungeon room like we promised, we've just found out that there's a monster in there. Yes there is! Now boys! Come on. Lets get out of here before that monster gets ..... and we have to be very very very quiet. Walk this way now. Hurry! Hurry! shhhhhh!"

I think we're limited, for the next few years at least, to taking holidays at kid-friendly places. You know, the kinds of places where they take your kids away and let you have a real holiday? Where the kids can bliss-out every day at a place called something like kidsclub or zone4kids???

Come to think of it........ that doesn't really sound all that bad. Oh, I know places like that are uncool. I know they're all plasticky and technocolour and Disnified and UNCULTURED and probably way bad for the environment and politically incorrect......

But I wouldn't mind being served a refreshing cocktail on the beach......eating food that someone else has cooked.......forgetting about housework.... all while some other poor soul watches my kids.......