When I was a kid my sister Myra had a pet gerbil. I think his name was Midnight Star. (Hey, we didn't have ponies or horses so our cool names had to go to rodents instead.) Midnight (for short) was black, cute and fuzzy, and Myra loved him.
As kids getting a treat made us feel really special. Many of my good childhood memories revolve around food, and food became a sign of affection in my mind. When my parents were in a good mood, there were "junk runs" to the grocery store to buy something either salty or sweet, or if we were lucky and they couldn't decide...both. For me anyway, getting a treat was like getting a big hug and an I LOVE You!
Myra loved that gerbil. She would feed him little treats. Treats a gerbil is not really supposed to be eating. Things like candy canes, chocolate and etc. Well...Midnight started to get a little bit paunchy. It was okay because that just made him round and cute and chubby. Then he stopped running on his exercise wheel. One day he just died. Mom and Dad figured that Myra had fed him to death. He got so fat he didn't want to exercise and he just up and died.
Midnight has been on my mind lately. Because I learned that food=love as a child, I enjoy feeding my family. It makes me feel like I am expressing my love for them if I bake them something special, or buy them a treat, or make their favorite meal. I REALLY love my husband. I'm always buying things like peanut butter cups, ice cream and M&Ms. I enjoy making foods he will love, which aren't always the healthiest. Like Midnight, both my husband and I have gotten a little paunchy. It doesn't really make us cuter like it did for Midnight, but it does make us chubby. We often don't feel like exercising...
So the thought has been going through my head...What if I am feeding my husband to death? What if one day he has a heart attack or something, and the Doctors ask me what his diet is like? The thought of it has been worrying me a lot lately. So what shows more love for him? Feeding him the things we both love to eat? Or feeding him things that will extend his life? I'm not saying I will totally give up the special treats and such, but perhaps they will be more special if they don't happen every day. Maybe there is a better way for me to show my family that I love them.
I feel that I at least have to try...

As I have mentioned in my profile here on the buzz, I am a mother of five rambunctious boys. My oldest is ten almost 11, then I have a 9 year old, a 7 year old, an almost 6 year old and a 4 year old. They are a handful. They are noisy, they are messy, and they are the best things other than their Dad in my life.

We recently decided try to have another baby. With our boys we often get asked if any of them are twins. The age spreads are 18 months, 19 months, 21 months and 17 months. We have never even had two years between children. This time around, our baby is due right around our youngest boy's 5th birthday. A few months later, all of the boys will be in school, and I will have just the baby for at least part of the day. I have to say that I am looking forward to it.

All of my boys were so close together that none of them but the first really got to enjoy time with just me. I don't regret how close together they are at all, because they have been great friends to each other, and have been able to be closer than they might have been if they were further apart in age. Still, I am looking forward to time to just hold a baby without other demands, even if its just for a couple of hours a day. Am I crazy?
Part of me feels crazy. My body is five years older than it was the last time I had a baby, and boy is there a difference. I worry about juggling a baby and five boys that need a lot, but I am looking forward to it at the same time. It seems to me that there is a great adventure ahead. Now I just have to get through the waiting...and waiting...and waiting. I hope you are all going to write something interesting to keep me busy!

I am sure you are wondering, "Just what kind of equality is she talking about?" Well, I will tell you. I am talking about the right to pee standing up!
What? Do you think I am kidding? I assure you that I am not! What woman on a camping trip hasn't wished that she could pee standing up instead of having to squat behind a bush and hope that she didn't drip anywhere important? How many women have envied this ability of men at least once in their lives? I would guess that many have. I would never want to trade places with a man. I like being a woman. I like it in spite of having to pee sitting down. However, now if I don't want to pee sitting down, I don't have to.
Okay...so I am feeling a bit sarcastic. I thought that products that help women to pee standing up were a little bit on the silly side. However, in my research I have decided that they can be useful. I even tried one out.
The first of this kind of product that I heard about is called Whizzy. My sister,(I keep saying just my sister, but I actually have four very cool sisters who are all quite different from one another) my oldest sister...told me about Whizzy a while ago. She had also bought some at one point, and this past weekend (as we were all at another of my sister's house for our annual pumpkin party) she handed me a package containing some Whizzy products. I was amused, and figured that I would try one out eventually.
That time came sooner than I thought it would. Even though we live in a fairly moderate area as far as tempertature goes, it has gotten colder here, and in an effort to save money on heating our home, we usually keep the thermometer set fairly low. Yesterday evening it was pretty cold (for here) and I had to use the bathroom. The thought of sitting down on that freezing cold toilet seat was disturbing to me though, and the package of Whizzy(s) that I had set on the bathroom shelf caught my eye. 'What the heck' I thought to myself, and followed the simple directions. What do you know! It worked! I can pee standing up! And no cold toilet seat!
Am I going to make a habit of it? Probably not. At a cost of around $1.00 per Whizzy I am not likely to use them often. They say that you can reuse each Whizzy one time, if you have a place to put it to dry out (ewwww). Still, its somewhat liberating to think that I can pee standing up if I want to!
Before sitting down (no pun intended) to write this blog, I did a little internet research and was surprised at the number of products like Whizzy out there. However, since Whizzy is the only one I have tried, it is also the only one I can recommend with confidence. Need the perfect gift for that hard to shop for woman? Whizzy is for you! Mother in law, feminist, friend, or just that gift for the woman who has everything...give it a try! If nothing else, it will make a good conversation starter!
In all seriousness, Whizzy and similar products can be useful! Especially for women who have trouble sitting down, or getting up from a sitting position. Camping? Hiking? You won't ever have to worry about sitting in poison oak or ivy when you pee! Car broke down? Stranded? Whizzy is your friend! Icky public restrooms, or worse, porta potties? You won't even have to touch that toilet seat! Whizzy is for you! Big family with only one bathroom? Now you can ALL pee standing up! Do you work construction on a high rise building? Now you too can pee from the roof like the guys do! Want to write your name in the snow? According to their website, with Whizzy, now you can! Before Whizzy and products like it, there was NO urinal for women, and now, THE WORLD IS YOUR URINAL!
For more information on Whizzy you can check out their website at http://www.whizzy4you.com/. Or feel free to do a search for other products that help women pee standing up.

I do. I don't think I have had a good dose of recess since Grade School. Of course I have taken the kids to a park many times, but its just not the same. For one thing, I am fat now. But to be honest, playing at the park had lost some of its brilliance even before I got fat. Little kids have it all good. I can't even come close to doing many of the things I used to be able to do as a child. The climbing on very high bars without getting nervous, jumping off the swings when they got to their highest point, running without feeling like I need to keep my thighs and rear from flapping. Things change, and sometimes I feel like I can barely remember what it was like to run and play and feel free. Here are some barriers I have found to enjoying recess as a grown-up.

1. Width. I am considerably wider than I was as a child. It seems to me that most grown-ups are wider than kids, even short, skinny, grown-ups. Width is a factor in two specific areas of playground play...The first being slides. Sure, there are some wide slides, but they are usually not very long, so it doesn't make for as fun of a ride. The second thing that width affects is one of the things I miss the most. Swings. I do still sit on the swings, and I even still swing, and get pretty high on them. But they are simply not comfortable. Its not like I am wider than the swing itself, but once I am in it, the sides of the swing bite into the outside of my thighs, and its just uncomfortable. There is no joy in a swingset anymore, just regret that I can't enjoy it like I used to. It doesn't stop me from trying. I am, in fact, wondering if I would do better on a swing made from a straight board, because that would reduce the discomfort, but I think it would change the whole feel of swinging as well. As a kid, I remember that we would have kids lay down on the ground in a row in front of the swings and we would jump off of the swings at the highest point and jump over all the kids laying there. I can't remember anyone ever getting hurt, but I would never attempt anything so dangerous now.




2. Gravity. I guess I could put down weight on this one instead, but it feels like gravity. I don't think I have the same muscle to mass ratio as a grown up and certainly not since I got fat. Hanging on the bars is a struggle, let alone trying to hang upside down or spin on the bars. You would think that extra weight might be good on a slide, but somehow it keeps you from going as fast as you could as a child. Gravity also keeps me from climbing to the top of places and walking across the monkey bars and such...All things I did with ease as a child.




3. Height. I can't crawl around under tight spaces the way I did as a child. I wonder if they could make a playground scaled to adult sizes where the swings, slides and general size of everything would be easier for us to navigate. Wouldn't it be great if they could make a giant playground for grown-ups? I bet they could make some money off of it anyhow.




4. Flexibility. Lets face it...a lot of us are not nearly as flexible as we were as children. Sure there are flexible adults who practice various martial arts or do their pilates religiously. I am not one of them. I can't do nearly the number of cool things I could as a child.




5. Experience. This one could also be found under the heading of fear. Real life and living in it has given us enough experience to understand the risks involved in running across a jungle gym at full speed while 10 other kids do the same thing. How scary it is to jump off of a swing, and having grown up, we don't have that sense of being indestructible that many kids enjoy.

So how do we get recess? For me, its more enjoying nature. Going on a hike or walking the beach. For some its going on a bike ride. I miss that too. I need to get back on my bike and actually enjoy riding again. I spent over 10 years of my childhood (from about age 10 to my early 20s without a bike, and then when my bike got stolen I spent another 10 years without a bike. I just got a bike again last Christmas and I have only tried it out briefly, a short ride of a couple of blocks. The width, gravity, height, flexibility and fear have affected me there as well. I think I feel a certain amount of envy when I go out in the yard and hear the sounds of kids playing at the school behind our house. I hope they enjoy their recess while they can...I don't think I will ever truly get it back.

Have you ever noticed that free samples brings out the worst in people? We live in a small town, and we are lucky that we have a small Costco (think half the size of most Costco stores) just a few miles from our house. I go there pretty regularly.
On a weekday afternoon with the small town crowd (decidedly not crowded) I can peruse Costco to my heart's content, and then if I happen to walk by a sample and the tray is all set up, I will take one and enjoy it highly, especially if I didn't get much of a lunch.
Saturday afternoons however, are an entirely different story. Unfortunately D and the boys like going to Costco to look at movies, books and whatever else. If we are all going to go as a family it usually happens on a Saturday. Then my kids become suddenly starving and malnourished and they must shout out across the whole store when they spot that red checkered table cloth that means a sample is there. The whining starts, and they can't help but look in the direction of the food side of the store. I HATE going to Costco on Saturdays. For the most part my boys are fairly well behaved about the samples. There is a certain amount of whining, but there are no out and out fits generally. I don't let them crowd around the sample table waiting that five minutes for something to finish cooking. I have, however, noticed that other people will crowd around that table and wait for the food. As much as I enjoy eating, I am more of a take the opportunity when it is there kind of a person. If I am pushing my cart by and there is a sample out and ready, and not many vultures around, then I will go ahead and have one. If there is a crowd, I am happy to walk on by. We even passed up ice cream with frozen berries on it (which looked really good) because there was a crowd. Today I actually saw a man walk up, step in front of a kid at the sample table and take the last sample on the tray right in front of the kid's face. I thought that took guts, and then the guy shoved it in his mouth and kept on walking like he was just passing through. The kid looked a little bit startled.
So what kind of a sampler are you? I have come up with a few categories that I have noticed in other people.

1. The Vulture: Vultures seem to be the most common. This style involves circling the sample table or the nearby vicinity with an eye always on the appliance that is cooking the food. Vultures can be sly and sometimes will pretend they are looking at something else nearby, but who REALLY reads the label on a block of cheddar cheese?


2. The pickpocket: Okay, so there are really no pockets involved unless they are sampling pita bread. The pickpocket is the sampler who appears to be nonchalantly walking by and with lightning quick reflexes gets away with taking a sample. This one is also sometimes called the sly spy which involves the same technique but with a little more effort to be unnoticed by everyone around.


3. The bulldozer: This sampler gets in there any way they can, even if they have to squeeze in front of other people. Sometimes the cart is used to gain position over those that are milling around the table. The key to success in this case is to not make eye contact with anyone, just pretend they are not there.


4. The starving man aka the addict: This one always surprises me when I see it, but this is the one that involves people taking more than one of the same sample. Sometimes they will just stand there, eat the first, then take another and at times they are even bold enough to grab a third for the road. Sometimes I am mistaken for the starving man because in my efforts to avoid looking like vultures I will grab a few of the sample and then turn around and dole them out to the kids. However I am proud to say that I have not taken extras for myself. Once in a while I have been forced to eat some of the boys' samples that they didn't like, but that's just not the same.


5. The puppy dog: This is my boys to a T. They start out giving me the puppy dog eyes, and continue giving them to every person distributing the samples until they have what they want. The puppy dog generally works unless the puppy dog eyes turn into whining...see below.


6. The whiner: I have never seen an adult whiner in regards to samples, but I have seen plenty of kiddie whiners.


7. The hunter/huntress: This sampler will figure out the best route through the samples. Like the vultures they pay attention to when things are supposed to be done cooking but they know that it is more advantageous to make the rounds. While all of those vultures are distracted waiting for the hot wings to come out of the microwave, the hunter is stalking easier prey.


8. The scavenger: The scavenger only tries at tables with no crowds, usually ending up with the less desirable samples (such as pickled artichoke hearts- ewww)


9. Out to Lunch: These are the bold samplers who don't even bother pushing a cart around the store. They are there for one thing and one thing only...Lunch. A cart can get in the way but the out to luncher can slip through gaps between other samplers and catch their prize.


10. The stressed out parent: This is the one that is pushing their cart full of goods usually with several little bodies hanging off of the cart or off of the parent. They are just there to shop, but their offspring have noticed the samples and like hounds to the hunt cannot be appeased. Please don't judge the stressed out parent too harshly. They just want to get through Costco with a minimum of meltdowns and confrontations. The samples distract their kids from begging, and from bothering each other. Yes, sometimes those kids can be embarrassing, but all in all they do pretty well. Also take into consideration that the samples might be the best nutrition the flustered parent has had all day. I for one spend so much time making sure my kids are well fed that I sometimes forget to feed myself.
    So what is your style of sampling? I dare you to answer. (feel free to come up with more categories if you can think of them.)