*this book was published by Deseret Book May 2007. More information and more chapters are available on my website www.josiskilpack.com

CHAPTER ONE
January 21st

The invincibility and insecurity of adolescence had made everything so easy. They had met through an internet social networking website used mostly by teens, mybulletinbored.com. So many young girls—looking, searching—for someone to make them feel special.

If only Terrezza hadn’t led him on. He’d been so careful, building her trust, and assuring himself that she was the one. And then she’d betrayed him just when he thought she finally understood. She’d tried to leave after he’d worked so hard for them to be together. She wouldn’t even give them a chance to make things work and he’d known from the beginning that he could never let her go home. If she just would have accepted his love, and loved him in return, they could have been so happy.

He parked the car, then went around to the trunk, scanning the area to make sure he was alone. But January in Alberta Canada kept very few people from coming this far out of town. Plus, night was gathering fast. After opening the trunk he hefted his load onto one shoulder. Though not an official landfill, that detail hadn’t stopped the residents of Jasper from using this place for years. Old appliances peaked out of the snow and the corners of black garbage sacks fluttered in the wind. He navigated the unsavory and uneven ground cover in order to reach the middle. He wouldn’t risk leaving her on the outside edges where she could be easily discovered.

An old stove sat at an odd angle toward the middle of the area and in the gathering grayness of evening it looked like a tombstone silhouetted against the sky. That’s where he would leave her. When he reached the stove, he hefted the body, wrapped in a blanket he’d bought at a second hand store this morning, and laid it on the ground.

“It could have been different,” he whispered, his words carried away on the wind. He wanted to see her again, look at her face, but he resisted. She was dead, he needed no more reminders of what could have been. Obviously, she wasn’t the one.

Turning around, he headed back toward the car. It was forecasted to snow tonight and all day tomorrow. He was counting on the snow to take the place of her burial. As he walked he reflected on the years that had led up to this, all the girls he’d met online, all the opportunities he’d been afraid to pursue in person. But now he needed someone to share his life with. It wasn’t about the thrills anymore, the explicit online chats he’d been having with girls for years—it was about love and having a life with that special someone. He’d been wrong about Terrezza, but he wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

Back at the cabin, he packed his things and circled the day March 21 in his planner. That would be exactly two months from today—plenty of time to make a new game plan, plenty of time to analyze what had gone wrong and mourn Terrezza properly. After all, he loved her.

It was hard not to be discouraged. It’s okay, he told himself as Canada disappeared through his rear view window. You’ll love again, and this time everything will be perfect.