Even on my sad days, I have a twinkle of twisted humor. These stuffed microbes are the aquatics groups from http://GiantMicrobes.com. I find the algae too cute for words as I used to be a lifeguard, swimmer, instructor, pool caretaker.
I'm obsessing about myself, selfishly, again. I'm wondering why I ever married. My spouse came home from his Cali trip the same way he did last summer. Cranky, surly and haunted within by his father's ghost. If I had known what my FIL was as a person, a father, a husband, I doubt I would have married. He caused much strife in our lives and my spouse's limitations are/were mostly caused by being raised by this man.
My oldest son has been screeched at. BPB needed a talking to but not in the manner it was received. I started getting critical comments within 12 hours of them arriving home.
The sad part of this is my spouse is not a bad guy, not a stupid guy, not a mean guy. He's just limited in his thinking.
I mentioned moving to Canada some day, just dreaming and I adore Eastern Canada. The response I received, "Not ever!" I 've mentioned Alaska several times and got very negative responses. The guy has only lived on the west coast. It's normal that he's limited. But I have lived in New Jersey, Michigan, San Diego, Southern Cal, NW interior of WA and the 'burbs of Seattle. I've visited all over New England, Niagara Falls, Eastern Canada and almost lived in Toronto for the years we lived in MI because my mom's family lives there.
I think of going past RN to ARPN or perhaps a researcher in pain control. He seems to think I'm being silly and have no idea of ever even trying this. Ph.D crosses my mind from time to time. Maybe studying at Dalhousie University in Nova Scotia. I still dream. About many areas in my life. He can't see it nor can he understand it.
I think BIG. HUGE. Globally. Is that so bad? Maybe I want to do medical work with Doctors Without Borders, is that crazy? I'm 46 not 460.
I cannot see past the next year or so right now. Not with the two boys and the spouse.
Is the an unsolvable paradox?