So earlier I was talking to some of my friends about being a Teen Mom. I have a ton to say about this part of my life. So here we go.....
I am going to start off telling about a particular night that was hard for me & then I will go back & start from the beginning at a later time.
Every part of my body ached as my belly grew. I didn't understand all the changes, I just knew I wanted KFC Mashed potatoes & gravy with a big glass of milk. This particular day I had come home from school & had numerous homework assignments. I was busy completing all my school stuff when A ( foster mom ) walked into the kitchen. She was a pain that women was. I never knew what kind of a mood she would be in. But, this day I just couldn't handle her crap. I sat there & listened to her tell me how I was wasting my time doing homework. How I would never amount to anything anyway. I was going to be a trailer trash, fat ass wife to B & no homework was going to make a damn bit of difference. Well ok then. What do you do after hearing that. Well, I cried & cried & cried. I cried for my parents, I cried for my baby. What have I gotten him into, what was my problem. I wobbled to my so called room. She screamed do you want to be in for the night or are you having supper? My face was all sweaty & smeared with mascara from crying, but I came out & helped set the table.
I don't even know why we even set the table, her husband ate in their room like a freakin pig. He made himself out to be this high & mighty sack of crap. Always looking down at me & B(the sperm donor) Everyone else ate in the living room on the floor. It was just her & I at the table.
After dinner that night B did the dishes & I went to take a shower. Lord my belly was big. I peed before & after my shower. I knew my time was limited. Limited because I did not have full access to a bathroom all the time.
After my shower I went & told A I was ready for bed. She said I'll be there in a minute. I turned & walked past the kitchen to the little door beside the fridge. I opened it up & the cold air made my aching boobs ache even more. To my left was an old ass bed with a thin ass hotel like comforter. Along the side of the bed was 3 small windows. On my right there were shelves of food from the floor up & left over odds & ends that didn't make it to the garage. Do you know were I was sleeping? I was sleeping in the pantry. It was an addition that they had put on years ago, which was why it was so cold in the winter & hot as hell in the summer. There was no insulation & just a tiny light bulb that swung in the night when the wind blew.
A came to the door & said Niiiiight! I hated how she used to say that in her tone. She would lean forward to the middle of the "room" & turn off the light. I would sit & watch the light shine through the crack & the loud noise of her looking the pad lock would make my heart ache. Yes I was locked in this pantry thing that I had hardly room to stand in except sideways.
Nights were real hard for me. I would have night sweats even in the winter. And I had to pee all the time. I had a small wash basin that I was given a bunch of samples in from the health department. I used it every night & prayed that I didn't overflow it. Yes, that did happen a time or two. Towards the end I could hardly hold myself up to squat over the damn thing & I begged to have the door unlocked. The answer was always no, you got yourself in this mess & now you have to pay the consequence. WTF!! I can't tell you how angry I was! I wanted to tell everyone, look what these people are doing to me, look!! But, who would believe me, a useless whore in foster care that nobody wants or cares about. That was what I was in there eyes & I wanted it to go no further. I didn't want anyone else to know. You see if I do the time I can leave with my baby & no one else can think bad of me. I wanted to be no more. I didn't want to exist because existing hurt too much.