I have an addiction, no it's not drugs it is worse. It is people! Since I was a small child I have been in charge, in control of everything.(my childhood was pretty bad, I will blog about that later) This was alright til I got older and people did not want me to control them. This is one of the reasons my marriage didn't work. Then I got into a relationship with the devil lol I know it is harsh but he is the devil! I would choose these men because I did not think I was worth the love I truly needed. Until the day I had, had it. My devil ex threw me into a wall, and I snapped, I couldn't take it anymore, so I called my mom and she told me about Codependence anonymous. I went to one meeting and knew I had found my home. I didn't think I would ever end up in a program(my mom is in another program NA) I thought I was "normal" boy was I wrong,lol. But ever since I have been going my life has turned around, I found out who I really am, and what I truly want out of life. When I was least looking for it, Tim came into my life and my heart has opened up and I am so in love. I have no need to control him, I love him just the way he is, which is amazing to me. I have learned to control my anger, just my life. I learn something new everyday, and I am open for change. I have included some traits of a codependents just in case some people haven'y heard of it.

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation.

Denial Patterns:

I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:

I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:

I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:

I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.