ARBY’S FAST-FOOD RESTAURANTS

I have never in my life been to an Arby’s, nor do I know a single person who eats there. Yet they’re everywhere. In fact, they are in 48 states. This puzzles Elaine. Why does Arby’s still exist? Who eats there? Have you ever waken up with a terrible hangover and thought to yourself. “Fuck,….I could totally go for an Arby’s beef and cheddar sandwich…”? I’m guessing no. Is Arbys really a money-laundering operation for the Russian Mafia? How do they make any money? Who eats at Arbys? Get back to me….

WOMEN WHO WEAR THEIR BATHING SUITS IN THE SHOWER AT THE GYM

Seriously, we’re all women here. No one is looking at your hoo-haa. Take the bathing suit off. Are you that self-conscious that you can’t be naked around other women? I love being naked. If nudist communities had more attractive people, I would consider packing the family up and heading to some clothing-optional community in Boca Raton. Someone please explain this phenomenon.

FLAMING QUEERS WHO MARRY (WOMEN)

Why are we not talking about this big white elephant? I cannot tell you the number of flamers I have met over the years who are married (to women) and have kids. These are men who accessorize, use the word “fabulous,” lisp, watch America’s Next Top Model religiously and love to shop. I’m not talking metrosexualish…I’m talking Carson Kressley gay.

One of these men teaches my 4:15 pm step-aerobics class. I don’t get it. Are the women who marry these men seriously retarded, are they just desperate? Or am I missing something? You can not tell me that having sex with a super skinny, eyebrow-waxing, hair-product-wearing, Perez-Hilton-reading, house-music-listening dude is hot. It’s not too late to find real love. Gay men, and the dumb women who marry you: Let’s end this charade once and for all. Or at least explain it to Elaine.

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